Returning to Kalamazoo, as with any place one returns to, it is neither how I left it nor what I expected it to become. The city seems bland, grey, spaced awkwardly and much lower. My life also seems to be taking on some of these characteristics. It’s a funny place to be when one is tired of the same old place but not yet ready to leave. I know I don’t want to remain forever in Kalamazoo but entertaining ideas of living somewhere else seem unrealistic at this point. I am also having a hard time recovering from my London doldrums.
As for reinventing myself and reintegrating back into Kalamazoo life, it was not as quick as I would have liked. I did get the job I had been wanting but it took a lot of harassing and begging on my part. I am also happily employed at Invitations by Design. Strangely, I am happier at that job than I am at David’s bridal. I think it is because my skills are deeply needed at IBD where as if I didn’t arrive at David’s, I doubt anyone would notice… it’s the corporate part of it I think—dislocated, compartmentalized and running like a machine. I am a just a cog and they are available in bulk.
This whole not-liking-David’s-Bridal business had put into question what I want to do with my life anyways. Lately, I have been experiencing insecurity about bridal design.. that is, it might not be the place for me. I do know I want to be my own boss and have control over my professional environment but what kind of business will I have, do I want to have?
