Rotating Sushi and Emotions

I want to be the one in transit.

Maybe it is just “you may like someone but not when you move in with them”.

I feel unsupported here. Simple things that I enjoy are frequently being bashed and dismissed by my one home thread here. I am walking on eggshells. I have to be terribly cautious when having conversations with her. I cannot bring up anything that really means anything to me because I can’t tell if she will feel the same about it and if not it will get a verbal attack. And not in a discussable/debatable way, but it a loud, matter of fact, not open to discussion “God, That is so STUPID. What are you thinking!” way. I try to brush it off but I’ve started noticing how much it bothers me as I meet people who are more like me and who appreciate the same things I do. I don’t think she realizes it. She doesn’t seem see the beauty in some kinds of individualistic behavior and small everyday things. She doesn’t seem to understand small pleasures. Or maybe she sees different ones that I see. It makes me wonder if she has just never noticed the beauty or no one has pointed it out to her. I am stuck I don’t want to speak up about it necessary because I could see her getting offended and it creating a rift between us. That would almost be equally bad for me because I could potentially lose the one friend that I have here and descend deeper into my loneliness. I do feel like I need her to be here- frankly I have no choice anyways, we share a bedroom and most of our supplies for class. But I often feel exhausted and downhearted and without my pick-me-ups after I am with her. Is it worth it? Negative companionship vs. no companionship and possibly hostile living circumstances. I don’t know what to do. I have met other people here that I quite like but they are all coming through in transit. They all live in main Europe. I realize the answer is to get out and meet people, and I have, but none of the caliber and quality of you all at home. You’ve all spoiled me with your good hearts, good humor and good sense.

Second to this battle, I am having my all too often “fly away” instinct. I do not have my usual passion for school here like I have at home. I frankly don’t care about it and if I could leave it right now, mid-project without serious consequences, I would.

Tell me some stories… When did you notice the beauty?